We sat down with our drinks of choice and looked around at Costabuck’s new interior. The general consensus was………..that it was exactly the same as the old interior.
“Closed a month for refurbishment and they haven’t changed it at all, and it still took them 10 minutes to make a cappuccino.”
“Maybe it wasn’t refurbishment Joan, maybe it was to cover up a food poisoning incident.” I’d timed that remark to coincide with Alice taking her initial bite into a rubbery Panini. She gagged accordingly.
“Did you see that the government has scrapped the law forbidding teachers to touch children in schools?”
“Yeah, I don’t know what the Pope said to get David Cameron to agree to that, but it’s certainly a coup for the Catholic church.”
Alan had some memories. “When I was at school they threw bits of chalk and rubbers at you if you misbehaved, didn’t do me any harm.”
“Same here Alan, and some of those rubbers still had spunk in them.” Probably too early in the morning for that one, as Alice once again choked on her Panini.
“He meant blackboard rubbers Alice, don’t let him stop your enjoyment of your breakfast. Did you watch Prince Charles open the Commonwealth Games, quite spectacular.”
“Funnily enough I went for a curry on Friday and asked the waiter if he was proud to have a major sporting event in the place he was born. He said that he was, and that he was indeed looking forward to the Olympics being in Stratford in twenty twelve.”
Joan, as usual, wasn’t impressed. “Very droll, Charles, it is still a bit weird having holding the Commonwealth Games when we haven’t really got a Commonwealth.”
“Bloody hell, don’t tell Prince Charles that Joan, he’s over there trying to round-up black slaves to shine his shoes and carry his polo equipment.”
Toby took a sip from his latte and divulged the most exciting thing that happened to him over the weekend. “I got caught up in that computer problem where the credit card system went down yesterday afternoon. There was complete panic in Sainsburys.”
“Toby, you’re a student, how come you’ve got a credit card?”
“Actually I’ve got three, total credit limit of five grand.”
“That’s an awful lot of Pot Noodles, Toby.”
Joan looked up from her Americano and decided to act the mother figure. Or patronising old nag. “I do hope that you’re managing your money carefully Toby, it’s easy to get into debt as a student.”
“That’s true Joan, but the banks want to get the business leaders of tomorrow early, I reckon I could get even more credit if I wanted to.”
“Business leaders who end sentences with a preposition? Team leaders in MacDonald’s more like.”
“Don’t be so nasty Charles,” Alice stuck up for the student, “You’re not exactly Alan Sugar are you?”
“You’re so right Alice, I am not. I am not surrounded by whining sycophants, and I do not have a face like a baby monkey’s arse.”
Alan got up. “I need to go, need to get the meter ticking. These tube strikes pay for my winter holiday, especially as no-one knows the geography of London above ground. Victoria to Westminster can take up to forty-five minutes and forty quid, honest guv.”
I wished him good luck and we all went our separate ways, fuelled by fair trade coffee made with beans collected by naked black women somewhere in a distant kingdom of Great Britain.